Naughty Valentine’s Day poems and jokes to write in your cards

With Valentine’s Day now just a stone’s throw away, you wouldn’t be alone if you were rushing out to get the perfect (if not last minute) Valentine’s Day card and romantic gift.

You know, the type of card that’s romantic, but not cheesy? Cheeky and funny, but not too crass?

And then there’s the message you write inside – what should you say? How can you express your love and wit at the same time?

Frankly, it’s a minefield.

Luckily we’re here to help with a selection of rude Valentine’s Day jokes and poems.

Cheeky jokes and poems for Valentine’s Day

From the dirty to the tongue in cheek – here are some jokes you can include in your cards to inject a bit of humour into your Valentine’s Day.

I like your style
I like your class
but most of all I like your ass.

Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
My knickers get wet
Just thinking of you.

What do single people call Valentine’s Day? Happy Independence Day!

Let’s sin
On a tiger skin
Or, if you prefer
We could err
On a different fur.

What did the light bulb say to the switch? You turn me on.

Hearts and roses and kisses galore,
What the hell is all of that shit for?
People get mushy and start acting queer,
It is definitely the most annoying day of the year.
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass,
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid’s ass!
I’ll spend the day so drunk that I just can’t speak,
And wear only black for the rest of the week.
Guys act all sweet but it soon will fade,
For all they are doing is trying to get laid.
The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit,
Because I think love is a big crock of shit!
So here is my story, what else can I say?
Love bites my ass… Fuck Valentine’s Day!

What is the difference between a calendar and you? A calendar has a date on Valentine’s Day.

Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
I’m using my hand,
Thinking of you.